So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She's the barista slut.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
