i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
