Your mouth is God's brothel.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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