he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's blow job season.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
