Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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