ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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