I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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