super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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