I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
