I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
