so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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