He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
