i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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