would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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