please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
