apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
