I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
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I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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