my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
