Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
