I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
