That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
cat food counts as protein by the way
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
