Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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