i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
