Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
