I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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