Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
