discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
