do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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