I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
no, he came in my armpit
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
