Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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