I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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