she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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