Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
