I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
