I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
