My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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