i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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