I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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