I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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