It's Friday. Sex?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
