what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
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It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
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WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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