I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
