wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
