I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
