I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
