Where did you get a picture of my penis
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
