think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
