He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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