No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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