you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
