haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
