Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
