I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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