omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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