if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
