I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
