9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's rum buckets o'clock
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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