I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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