There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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