is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
