Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
