I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
