just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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