And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
