just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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