My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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