Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
