she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
