im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
