in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
