it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ttyl tear gas
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
