im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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