her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
