My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
