nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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