i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Two words: blizzard sex
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
