carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
