On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
