Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
