wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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