Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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