ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize