she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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