genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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