they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
