he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
