this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
