His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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