Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
