well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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