I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
