Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize