Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
