There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
