yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
